I spoke for a long time yesterday to my friend about miscarriages. She used to work at a fertility clinic in our hometown and she was the only person I could think to talk to at the time. She explained so much to me and said that since we already had Wee One, there was no reason we shouldn’t be able to have a healthy pregnancy unless it was a blood clotting issue, which is easily diagnosed through blood tests and treated with medication during the pregnancy. She not only told me that, but she gave me the name of the clinic she worked at in Memphis, told me that if I choose to go there to give them her name and her father’s name, then she looked up a clinic in my current area and one that’s a few hours away. She was in Iran at the time and it was one o’clock in the morning. I might not be good at much in life, but I sure know how to pick friends. I have some great ones.
I need to not be here for a while guys.
I found out a few days ago I was pregnant and last night I started bleeding and now I’m really bleeding and it’s happening all over again. I can’t believe it’s happening again.
I’m. I can’t really process this right now. Anything. i’m not here for a while. I can’t do thiss right now.
I will muddle forward.
I will have faith.
I will not give up before this even starts.
I will not sink into despair.
I will be iron inside.
I will forge myself around this seed of hope.
I will keep it safe.
I will let it grow.
I will not look back.
A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest, Granny Weatherwax had once told her, because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.”
- Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith
Rooftops of Tehran, Mahbod Seraji (via therosebell) —
John Keats in a letter to Benjamin Robert Haydon, dated 8, April 1818. (via wordsnquotes) —
I worked a binding earlier.
I could hardly see through the tears in my eyes, but my mind was clear enough for my eyes. My heart was clear enough. My intent was clear enough.
There is a green ribbon bound around a white stick underneath my mattress right now, and I believe—I have to believe—that if it remains there, if my mind and heart and intent remain clear, then everything will be okay.